Planet Earth is 4.5 billions-years-old. Humans common ancestors evolved 6 million years ago. Homo Sapiens evolved about 200.000 years ago. The latest 'software update' our current brains received was 40.000 years ago. Always remember how under-evolved our brains are, compared to how over-evolved our society is and that we're mere animals - and everything else will make sense! What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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Every generation thinks their hardship is the biggest and worst, and every generation completely ignores what challenges the previous generation faced. Every generation seems to repeat the lessons already learned by previous generations as well. How to combat this problem? Try reading a book about human history instead of your social media feed. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou How to avoid jumping to a conclusion: Do you have all the data and facts? And no, ‘facts’ and ‘data’ do not refer to your opinions, beliefs, judgements or emotional reactions. So, if you don’t have these, just don't jump. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou You’re at a junction and someone cuts you off, driving away at a speed you deem to be reckless. Is the driver a careless fool? Or, are they racing towards an emergency? What would happen to you or your life if you decided to only make generous presumptions? To presume everyone is doing the best they can with what they know and have? That everyone is fighting their own invisible battle? That everyone is striving towards happiness but many don't know how to achieve it and stumble on the way, knocking you down with them? What would happen to your life and mood if you believed that people are trying their best? And that they crave love, belonging, certainty and to feel accepted, just as much as you do. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Ignoring hardship and pain is not stoicism or positivity. It's toxic. Wallowing in it, is not validation but staying stuck. Feeling pain and acknowledging your hardship but also finding the space to think "what am I grateful for? What has been good? What can I learn from this?" is positive psychology. Telling your mirror reflection that you're pretty and smart and a super hero when you feel ugly, stupid and useless are not helpful affirmations, as lying to yourself won’t establish the needed self-respect for growing self-esteem. Telling the inner voice that is criticising you to f off is fighting negativity with negativity. Telling your inner critic that even if it was true that you're ugly, stupid and useless, it really doesn't define your worth. To acknowledge that you've received confirmation elsewhere that you're not as ugly as you think, or as stupid as you feel, or as useless as you presume is offering your brain data points to counteract its assertions, in a much more helpful manner than fluffy affirmations. Or, looking at the evidence of what you can do – work achievements, completed degrees, accomplisments, awards, rewards, getting dates, getting to adulthood are evidence that you're not as ugly, stupid or useless as you think. Those are healthy strategies for self-talk. Realising that you weren’t born with an internal critic but it was installed in you by others and to not identify with it as yours, but rather notice is for what it is - a bully - and addressing the bully with kindness and curiosity - are helpful strategies for lasting change. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Pity: “I look down at you. Your pain is your problem.” Sympathy: “I feel sorry for you (and I’m glad your pain isn’t mine).” Empathy: “That sounds tough. I relate. I can understand why that would make you feel that way, or even, I don't know what that situation would feel like but I understand the feeling of shame/grief/disempowerment/stress - tell me more (I stand with and by you). Your pain is my pain.” Compassion: “I relate but I won’t take your feelings on as mine. I will logically understand and I will come from a place of love and hope. I may cry for you but I will also believe you can change and things can improve. I will empathise with your pain but I’ll also let you be responsible for your feelings and I will stay responsible for mine.” Pity and sympathy are condescending. They lack understanding and love. Empathy and compassion are based on a desire to understand. None of these are innate (meaning, you’re not born with those abilities – because they are learned skills, not natural emotions). As they are learned that also means that it’s never too late to gain these skills if you don’t already have them. You don't have to have walked in someone else's shoes to relate. We've all felt shame, guilt, sadness, grief, disappointment, stress, anger... We relate to that, human to human. It's not a competition. It’s about kindness. But, empathy taps into the pain region of our brains and so, though a beautiful skill and sentiment, it can cause fatigue and exhaustion. It will feel validating to the other but not necessarily inspire growth and or help either of you move forward. Compassion taps into a place of hope and happiness. It relies on empathy but doesn’t get stuck in that space, and is thus kinder towards yourself and others. Empathy is often a trauma response, born from the need to read any given situation and know everyone’s feelings to avoid conflict or pain. We learn to become attuned to others – not out of love but out of fear. Empathy can blind you to justice. Great internal turmoil and unresolved pain can lead to great empathy. But that’s not necessarily a good thing as great empathy can also lead to a disregard for your own needs or to reading a situation inaccurately. Empathy is driven by your ability to personally relate. Empathy is driven by relatable pain. Compassion doesn’t compromise your rights or steal from your emotional reserve. Compassion doesn’t judge and thus makes it easier to make an informed decision. Compassion is driven by your ability to be kind towards yourself so that you may be kind towards others. Compassion can hold someone else’s pain while also respecting your right to yours, without compromising either. You do not have to accept someone’s actions to be compassionate. You do not have to agree with someone’s behaviour to have compassion. You do not have to understand someone’s perspective or feelings to offer compassion. Compassion is driven by a want to understand with curious open-mindedness. Compassion is driven by love. How do you relate to an addict? How do you relate to your crying child? How do you relate to your angry partner? How do you relate to a sexist, racist president? How do you relate to yourself? How do you relate to a criminal? How do you choose to relate? And what does it say about you rather than them? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou They used to say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Turns out you can. The human brain can always be altered and changed with enough determination and effort. They used to say that a child was born like a blank slate. Now, they know our genes (nature) control just about everything in us, but our personality outcome depends on what our environment (nurture) triggers in our genes. They used to deem homosexuality a mental illness, now they know it's not. Certain words used to be common but are now considered highly problematic and/or racist, sexist, ablest or otherwise discriminatory and derogatory – most people know which not to use, but some just refuse to be kind, considerate and do the right thing, claiming that they’ve ‘always used these terms’ and thus refusing to acknowledge the changing world and global awareness growth (call it woke, political correctness or common sense, call it what you like, just don't be an asshat!). Being open-minded and changing according to current times will cost you nothing but comes with a hefty price for those who are hurt by ignorance and close-mindedness. Don't ever presume and don't ever stop asking questions or applying critical thinking, but do stay open-minded and even if you do disagree with someone, compassionate understanding has always had far better results over judgemental scorn. After all, you don’t have to agree to stay curious and kind. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou If you're sitting on an airplane that's crashing, no one is going to blame you for screaming your head off. Most people around you will probably be doing the same. But you do have a choice. If you die, you die, and if you live, you live. You won't be able to control that. What you can control is how you want to meet your destiny on the ground. Full of fear, tears and screams, or with a happy smile, re-living all that's been good? The external circumstances are outside of your control. Your internal reaction is not. That goes for everything else in life too. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou What does success mean to you? Have you, actually, paused to think about this? If so, have you reflected on whether that definition is your own or someone else's, like, perhaps you measure success based on our current Capitalist version, on social media’s filtered vision, or your parents’ outdated views? What if walking away from a great job that isn't serving your well-being, isn’t walking away from success, but towards it? I think success is measured in self-respect, and not money or status. If your relationship doesn't work out, you might think of it as unsuccessful. But what about viewing it as a chance to find a better match? Wouldn't that be a bigger success than settling? If your feeling of success is based on external validation and results, I'd argue that you're trying to fill a sieve with water. What are your successes that are based on and measured by the quality of your character? Where have you shown courageous vulnerability? Tell me about the successful moments where you said no to things that hurt your emotional well-being, even if it disappointed others, and yes to things that scared you - but in a good way? Where have you succeeded in something hard that was invisible to others, like choosing to be kind to yourself instead of critical? When have you followed a dream, a passion, a purpose - despite the critics? Have you ever made a misfortunate mistake and honoured your right to be a flawed human? And have you ever found yourself in an incredibly difficult situation with your heart full of darkness and yet, been able to cling to hope for a better tomorrow? When was the last time you woke up feeling happy? That's how I'd measure success. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou We're a generation obsessed with legacy: Leaving behind a piece of ourselves so we won't be forgotten. Sir Ken Robinson was a personal hero of mine who spoke sense and inspired creativity. He, sadly, passed away in August 2020. He said: “What you do for yourself dies with you when you leave this world, what you do for others lives on forever.” If you want to leave a positive legacy, think less of leaving your name behind and think more of leaving an important and positive impact (your filtered Instagram posts won't be it, nor will a 6-figure marketing strategy sold to others, nor will Amazon and the ways they’re slowly destroying the planet, their disregard for employee rights and their history of crushing small businesses). Is your focus on yourself, or on making this world a better place, without harming others? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou |
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