Most of us have a consistent, ever-growing, never-ending to-do list. But what about our done list? And I don’t mean, once a task on the to-do list has been ticked off. I mean, a list of things we’re done doing, done accepting, done dealing with.
What might change in your life if you focused more on that list instead? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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Guilt is saying "I did something wrong." Shame is saying "I am wrong." People might say: “Don’t you feel guilty?” (Translated: Don’t you think you did something wrong here?) Or, people might say: “You should feel ashamed of yourself” (translated: You are not ok. You are wrong.) Know the difference, so you know how to tackle them. Guilt is a signal that you've broken a moral code and you need to re-evaluate and make peace with, or change, your action. Shame is deep-rooted in our inner shadows and is based on a negative story you tell yourself about yourself, which is most likely inaccurate. Guilt can be removed by integrity and value-based decisions, or guilt can live on, but more comfortably, by reframing it as a healthy compass rather than an uncomfortable feeling to avoid. We don't always need to feel comfortable. Uncomfortable feelings are allowed. Shame, on the other hand, isn't just uncomfortable, it's painful and harmful, and can only be removed by shining a light on it - out loud. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou We’re meaning-seeking, meaning-making animals. We misremember and confabulate (honest-lying) all the time. Based on past experiences we associate events with emotions that our brains remember. Tight chest + event you don’t like = anxiety. The brain didn’t decide that a tight chest means anxiety, your choice of words, the story you told yourself about the event, created that association. And you can undo that association again – by changing your words and by telling a better story. If you’ve made a mistake and its hurt people, you might call yourself stupid, a burden, problematic, a failure, or a bad friend/colleague/partner/parent but was it your intention to hurt? If not, why not choose words more fitting? Change the story to one that benefits your relationship with yourself instead of making it worse? There’s a big difference between lying or denying the truth and offering yourself a more nuanced story that supports your well-being. One is gaslighting, the other is kind. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou It's easy to show a small child sympathy, cuddle them and offer them reassurance, even to minor injuries - usually, the child is eager to pity themselves too and demand due attention for their pain (whether imagined or real). And yet, when adults need sympathy, cuddles and reassurance we're much quicker to offer scorn, insults and rejection - both to self and others. Why is that? Other times, adults, condescendingly, call a child 'attention seeking' when they’re behaving in a way that displeases the adult and most adults dread ever coming across as attention seeking themselves, pushing down, hiding and ignoring needs. What would happen, both to the child and yourself, if you realised that all 'attention seeking' behaviours were simply 'connection craving' behaviours instead? What would happen if we treated anyone seeking attention as worthy of receiving it? How would our relationship change to this negatively loaded term if we saw it for what it is – a need not being met? And instead of judging, we paused to pay attention to the one seeking it? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou In a world where everyone strives to be extraordinary, it takes courage to proudly proclaim your averageness. I'm so extraordinary ordinary and proud! If you want to be too, join my tribe. If not, join the masses. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou There's far less shame in quitting than staying put in a situation that doesn't work for you. Would you rather quit a marriage or quit your chance of feeling happy again? Quit your job or give up on feeling fulfilled? Quit while ahead or risk losing it all? But you can't quit something you haven't even tried to make a success at. Find your pain point, become clear on your boundaries and it'll be easy to tell the difference between quitting for something that doesn’t work for you in the quest for finding something better (which, I choose to see as succeeding) and giving up before starting or giving something due chance. Because your current narrative around quitting is probably not very helpful or supportive of your happiness. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea, nor are my blog posts. Nor are you or your opinions. We need to learn to be OK with that. The world would be a dreadfully boring place if everyone saw eye-to-eye all the time. But, that doesn't mean attacking those who drink coffee. They're allowed a voice too, even if you disagree or it offends you. And you don't have to agree, to listen and reflect. A quick rejection shows a fool. An unwillingness to listen indicates stale water. So, be open, be kind - but also towards yourself and speak your truth and ignore the coffee drinkers. There are plenty of tea drinkers to focus your energy on instead and even within that taste category, there is plenty of wonderful variety. A cup of tea that pleases everyone, essentially pleases no one. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou How many hours training does it take to complete a marathon? How many hours do you need to put into a garden to create beautiful results and plentiful food? How many years do you need to consistently train to excel at playing an instrument? How long did it take you to go from non-verbal to being able to read and write, fluently - if you ever did achieve this big task? How much time did you spend trying or succeeding in learning a new language? How many years did you study and how much overtime did you do to be where you are today? New learning takes a lot of time and dedication. Was it worth it? Would you do it all again? So tell me, how much time each day, over how many weeks, months or years have you dedicated to learning your emotions, become fluent in them and excelling at managing them? How dedicated are you towards your mental health? How long have you studied empathy, kindness and healthy relationship formation, maintenance and communication? What do you think would happen if you started treating your inner life with the same respect and commitment you do your outer life? And no, that doesn't refer to the endless hours of dedication to over-analysing or over-thinking as that's the same as trying to read a book in Japanese when you only speak English. Learn Japanese and suddenly it won't be such a struggle. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou We're all the heroes of our own stories. We have to be, because our life is the only one available to us - try as we might to live through others via jealousy or gossip - so, our life is the only movie we get to play and thus we automatically win the role of leading act. Question is, what movie do you want to be in? Drama, comedy, horror, romance? And do you want to play it on repeat or be innovative and change seeking? The leading act, even if unpleasant, is still the leading act and the audience has to like them to stick around - or, at least, during production, you have to believe they'll stick around. How do you do that? Believe! Tell the story that makes YOU want to stick around. Problem is that you might start to buy into this make-believe as a truth and that your character is the only solo act. Because sometimes we forget that everyone else is the lead too but just in their own movies, and you matter far less to them, than their own story, so remember that next time you feel deeply embarrassed. No one noticed you - only how they looked. In life there's no singular truth, only the story you want to believe for yourself about yourself. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou You were born a creative, ready to create. You were born as love, ready to give and receive. You were born without hate and full of trust. You were born uniquely you. There were no failures, just attempts and learning and growth. But, you were conditioned, by school, by your society and culture, by your family's traditions, and you were conditioned by your parents and their parents - to fit in, to conform and to avoid failure at all cost. ‘Trying’ wasn't good enough, only perfect marks, only sitting still and being a 'good girl' or a 'good boy' when you did as you were told but 'naughty' when you dared to be free. When you failed at fitting in and achieving, there was something wrong with you - not the system, not its outdated measures, not its assessments and its destructive nature - but you! Avoid rejection at all cost - you were wrongly taught - in the class room, at home and among peers. Don't stand out! Please others! Be fearful! But, you were taught wrong. Beauty, innovation, art, creativity, inventions - all life's necessities, none of which are bred via the outdated, dangerous school system. It might induce fear to go back to your original, curious, wonderous childhood self but the risk of not is far greater - for you and for the world who'll miss out on your creative beauty. And there are no rejections or failures, just new opportunities for new attempts, new learning and growth. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou |
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