In my line of work, I often see people dealing with insecurities of various kinds. These insecurities are, usually, based on unhelpful things learned during one's formative years - like traditions that silenced us, or practices that discouraged questions, or parents role-modelling seeking external validation or schools teaching us to be perfectionists. Worse still if you've grown up having your identity denied because you felt you couldn't come out as gay, or transexual or you were denied a diagnosis like autism, meaning you never got to know yourself through the correct lens or express yourself freely.
It then becomes our job, as adults, to seek out a healthier way of living and being once we're old enough to claim our independence.
Sadly, what often happens is that we, as adults, try and change my berating ourselves for our flaws, criticising ourselves for mistakes and copying the harsh voices or lessons we learned in the past.
This is not a helpful way to foster growth and change.
Instead, I suggest gentle enquiry, curiosity and childlike wonder as we question EVERYTHING anew.
Why are these the rules?
Why do I feel the way I do?
Why do I struggle in these situations?
Why are things like this?
Is this acceptable to me?
Do I want to show up this way?
What is okay and what's not okay with me regardless of what others tell me?
Because, do you know what? You're allowed to now.
For every presumption you make or are met with, try asking - who says?
Your life, your choice!
This is a daily, micro-blog, taking less than 2 minutes to read, offering you insights into how presumptions, beliefs and stories shape our lives and worldview, for better or worse.