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#145 Existential Discontent

22/9/2021

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Existentialism is a philosophy as well as a counselling and coaching method. 
There are many schools of thought but one goes like this:

You must have these 5 things in your life to be happy/live a satisfying life
  1. Freedom - to make the decisions you want and need to live the life you want 
  2. Responsibility - to feel of value without taking on excessive responsibility on behalf of others
  3. Purpose/meaning - to feel like you're living with purpose and/or life has meaning
  4. Connection - to feel you have enough, deep connections in life
  5. Mortality - to be okay with death, yours as well as others 

​How many can you tick off? And if any are missing, do you think they're necessary? If so, what can you do about it?

Your life, your choice!
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#144 Regrets are as useful as a Parachute on a Submarine

21/9/2021

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Regrets leave you stuck in the past, changes nothing but worse is the presumption that if you'd done things differently it would have worked out for the better.
It might have worked out for the worse.
Sliding Doors taught us we could end up with a better haircut, a nicer man and a better job but, in reality, it might have meant being pushed out in front of the train instead and end of story.
​
Live forward, not backwards.

​Your life, your choice!

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#143 The Entitlement Trap

20/9/2021

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The more you have, the more you want but the less you need.
Not only does desire for unneeded things fuel the damaging capitalist machine but it also increases unhappiness.

Likewise, the more entitled you feel, the bigger the chance that you won't get what you feel entitled to, so it decreases your joy due to losing out, as well as the joy of what you already have.
It's a lose-lose scenario.

Your life, your choice!
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#142 What's Yours and What's Mine

19/9/2021

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Blame is the redistribution of guilt.

'I don't like feeling like this so I'll make it your problem.'
'I don't like taking responsibility for my life, so I'll make you take ownership of it (and then resent you for it).'
'I fucked up, but it's your fault because I don't like the discomfort of this fuck up.'


The opposite of blame is responsibility.

The best way to take control of life is owning your choices.
​The best way to show maturity is to not pass on what's your feelings to deal with.
The best way to feel less guilty is to give back responsibility to others where due.
'Here, I'll hold my 50% and you hold yours.'
Going Dutch, split the bill, even steven.

Your life, your choice!


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#141 - Labels

18/9/2021

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What's in a label?
A label is a short-hand that allows us a common language and understanding. It's gives us quick access to knowledge about something but usually, unfortunately, it leads to stereotypes and assumptions too.


Labels can be a relief.
They can offer you an explanation you lacked before.
It's sense making.


But labels can also trap you in a prison of "you're now this label".
You're a depressed person.
You're a disabled person.

Labels can lead to negative stereotypes.
You're a scrounger.
You're stupid.
You're a burden.
You're crazy.


You're NOT your label.
Your label doesn't explain what happened to you.
Your label doesn't get to be used against you, but people might try.
Your label isn't YOU.

Don't let it define you but don't waste time on people who wants to do that to you either.


Regardless of the label, you're first and foremost a person of value and worth.

​Your life, your choice!
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#140 You're the Expert

17/9/2021

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If you go see a coach, or counsellor, or a doctor, or a physio or anyone else who's there to support you with your pain or obstacles, whether physically or emotionally - don't forget, you're the expert.

You're the expert in how you feel, how you act, how you think and how you live. You're the expert of how you pain feels, whether mental or physical and the expert in how it impacts your body and mind. 
You're the expert on what you see as an obstacle and what is the right kind of solution for your unique self.

If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tries to act the expert - get out, and get away.
They're interested in making themselves feel good, not you.

Your life, your choice!
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#139 - Toxic

16/9/2021

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There's been a lot of good initiatives in the world, from social media, allowing long-distance connection and sharing, to positive (strength-focussed) psychology, to helping people in the developing world with food, tools, initiatives.

But sooner or later we seem to always push it too far, and we add 'toxic' to it: The toxic impact social media has on mental health, the toxic way positive psychology is used (by some) to silence your negative feelings, the toxicity of the saviour-complex when celebrities spotlight impoverished places.


Now, self-care can join the ranks.
It's all the rage. It's shouted from the roof tops but then you don't feel better about your (toxic) work stress after a bubble bath and you hate on yourself. Why can't you succeeded at self-care? you question. 



All good initiatives are good as long as you don't use them for control and manipulation (social media), or to shame yourself or others (positivity and self-care) and good initiatives stay good when you're committed to truly helping others and don't just do it for the selfies and applauds (fake generosity).


You control the narrative, so use it for good.

​Your life, your choice!


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#138 The Choice Is Yours

15/9/2021

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For every Hitler there's a Gandhi; for every selfish act, there's a kind in the making; for every loss there's a new life beginning somewhere else; for every disaster, there's a miraculous invention or coincidence.
That's life.

The point isn't if there is more of one than the other.
The point is what you choose to focus on?
The point is, do you trust yourself enough to let go, to believe in the good, to accept what is, to have a little faith (even if you're of the atheist kind and simply choose to believe in better)?
Trust it'll work out, that you will manage and that there'll always be a new way and solution without the need for control and anxiety?
After all, when did excess worrying help you out or a detailed future plan work out as wanted?
​
The choice is yours... so, what will it be?
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#137 What's the Story You're Telling Yourself?

14/9/2021

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I'm curious...

If you're new here, you might not know that I claim that every belief you hold is just a story. Even if you believe in science and data, to someone else that may not be a truth and so your belief becomes a story. 
I don't say that to spark a hefty debate but simply to invite you to a space of thinking more relaxed about your convictions. Not to plant doubts about your truth but to become more gentle, open-minded and compassionate towards others' truths. 

Now, imagine you could embrace this idea: Everything is a story that we're simply telling ourselves - what would happen next time you get angry and instead of letting it consume you or react from a place of anger, you pause, slow down and think 'the story I'm telling myself is...' and observe your anger and the story fuelling it, instead of engaging head-on with it.
What might happen? 

Now, imagine you can do that with all your unwanted or uncomfortable feelings? Not identify as you being 'lazy', or 'stupid', or 'a fraud' but noting it as simply being a story you're telling yourself based on a narrative pushed by society or your family or politics. 
​What might happen?

Now, imagine you question your story: Is this story really true? Can I now absolutely that this is true? Who am I with and who am I without this story? 

​Your life, your choice!
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#136 How to Inspire

13/9/2021

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How to be a great teacher, leader, facilitator, parent, coach?

You need people to want to be there.
You need something worthwhile to teach them.
You need profound respect for them.
They need to know they matter.
And you need to let them speak more than you do.

Your life, your choice!


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    This is a daily, micro-blog, taking less than 2 minutes to read, offering you insights into how presumptions, beliefs and stories shape our lives and worldview, for better or worse.
    I've decided to not make these available via email subscription  as it's not climate friendly. 
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    ​Categories

    All
    #00 Welcome
    #01 2-Minute Learning
    #02 Story-telling Animal
    #03 Cruise Control
    #04 Trust
    #05 Don't Take My Word For It
    #06 Personal Responsibility
    #07 Words Matter
    #08 Confidence Is Overrated
    #09 Those Who Matter And Those Who Don't
    #100 Perfectly Imperfect Posts
    #101 Life
    #102 Savor Every Minute
    #103 You're Awesome!
    #104 Regrets As A Privilege
    #105 FOMO
    #106 JOMO
    #107 Stop Reading The News
    #108 Wear Sunscreen
    #109 The Power Of Youth (a Tribute)
    #10 It's Not 'What's Wrong With You?' But 'What Happened To You?'
    #110 The Pointlessness Of Worrying (a Tribute)
    #111 Stretch Yourself (a Tribute)
    #112 Read These Instructions - Even If You Don't Follow Them (a Tribute)
    #113 Expand Your Horizon (a Tribute)
    #115 Who's The Limited One?
    #116 The Paradox Of 'Normal'
    #117 Don't Be Empathic
    #118 The Power Of Childlike Wonder
    #119 Your Life
    #11 I Don't Owe You My Time
    #121 Change Your Question
    #123 The No Man
    #124 Un-rooted
    #125 Gravity Problems
    #126 In-human(e)
    #128 The Grass Is Always Greener
    #129 Judgemental Happiness
    #12 You Were Born Unique
    #130 Curiosity
    #131 Don't Confuse Concepts
    #132 Dreams Don't Magically Come True
    #133 Suicide Prevention Day
    #134 Yet
    #135 Perspective
    #137 What's The Story You're Telling Yourself?
    #138 The Choice Is Yours
    #139 Toxic
    #13 What's Your Story?
    #140 - You're The Expert
    #141 Labels
    #142 What's Yours And What's Mine
    #143 The Entitlement Trap
    #144 Regrets Are As Useful As A Parachute On A Submarine
    #145 Existential Discontent
    #146 Knowledge Isn't Power
    #147 Breaking Up Is Hard To Do But...
    #148 Seek What You Wish To Have
    #149 The Joy Of Discomfort
    #14 Learn Russian
    #150 Do The Hard Thing
    #151 I Love You
    #152 What's Not OK
    #153 What's Holding You Back?
    #154 Information Isn't Wisdom
    #155 Vulnerability Shaming
    #156 Identity Thieves
    #157 What If Emotional 'Guilt' Didn't Exist?
    #158 Love Thyself
    #159 Level The Playing Field
    #15 Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea
    #160 Move On
    #161 Love Goddammit
    #162 Flip The Narrative
    #163 Fleeting
    #164 If I Had My Life To Live Over
    #165 Let It Keep Growing
    #166 Warrior
    #167 Unlearning
    #168 Red Flags
    #169 Seek Those Who Water You
    #16 Quitting
    #170 Heart-Break
    #171 Risk
    #172 When Love Ends
    #173 The Secret To Happiness
    #174 Fuel
    #175 What Your Resist
    #176 Killing Time Or Creating Memories
    #177 Gratitude
    #178 Permission Support
    #179 Projection Of Stories
    #17 Daring To Be Ordinary
    #180 Stigma Is Self-inflicted
    #181 Your To-do List Is A Privilege
    #182 Show Off
    #183 Failure Isn't The Problem
    #184 Lazy
    #185 The Self-Help Industry Wants You To Fail
    #186 Rejection Nation
    #187 Being Selfish Isn't Selfish
    #188 You're Going To Die
    #189 Happiness Isn't A Treasure Hunt
    #18 Attention Seeking
    #190 Reason Vs Emotions
    #191 Time Vs Money
    #192 The Risk Of Pain In Love
    #194 Invest In Yourself
    #195 Whose Speed Are You Moving At?
    #196 Does It Add Value
    #197 The Kind Narcissist
    #198 Kindness Is Not Weak
    #199 Over-analysing
    #200 Dance To Your Own Beat
    #201 What If You're Right And Wrong?
    #202 Compassionate Curiosity
    #203 It's Not About Me
    #204 The Fake Apology
    #205 The Empathy Trap
    #206 Confirmation Bias
    #207 Advice
    #208 Question Status Quo
    #209 Is It Me Who's The Problem?
    #20 Guilt Vs Shame
    #210 Let Us Help Each Other To Live In Peace
    #211 Thinking Causes Failure
    #212 Relationship Check-in
    #213 It's Not OK
    #214 Apologies Due
    #215 The Best Revenge...
    #216 A Satisfying Life
    #217 Love
    #218 The Paradox Of Pain
    #219 Chasing Temporary Happiness
    #21 Your 'Don't Wants'
    #220 "Love Hurts..."
    #221 Holidays Are Not Meant To Be Like Phone Chargers
    #222 Vulnerability Without Boundaries Isn't Vulnerability
    #223 Breaking Our Own Hearts
    #224 Don't Waste Your Breath
    #225 You Can't Change Others
    #226 Self-love
    #227 Staying Positive
    #228 Haunted By The Past
    #229 A Wish From Me To You...
    #22 Leaving A Legacy
    #230 Bah Humbug
    #231 Christmas
    #232 Think Better
    #233 Have You Been Nice To Yourself Today?
    #234 Words Matter
    #236 What Will The New Year Bring?
    #237 Follow The Joy
    #238 New Year's Goal
    #239 The Hero In The Mirror
    #23 Success Is...
    #240 Make A Better List
    #241 Dare To Be Happy
    #242 What Will You Ask For?
    #243 Growth
    #244 Follow The Joy - Part 2
    #245 Choose Your Activity
    #246 Avoiding Joy
    #247 Inner Child
    #248 Follow The Joy (pt 3) - Choose
    #249 Finding Yourself
    #24 Locus Of Control
    #250 Reimagine Success
    #251 "The Beautiful And Damned"
    #252 Walking Wounded
    #253 Actions Of Love
    #254 Monkey See
    #255 Always Remember This...
    #256 Self-awareness
    #257 The By-Product Of Your Choices
    #258 Wisdom Isn't Time Travel
    #259 Quitter
    #25 Open-mindedness: Free Of Charge
    #260 Believe With Respect
    #261 Monkey See
    #262 The Secret To A Happy Life...
    #263 Introverts
    #264 Your Reality Isn't Universal
    #265 The Worst Bully Of Them All
    #266 The Privilege Of To-Do Lists
    #267 Your Judgement Is Lazy
    #268 Fairness
    #269 New Rules For Living
    #270 Your Words Are A Reflection Of Your Character
    #271 The 8th Deadly Sin
    #272 Incurable
    #273 Empathy
    #274 How To Say No...
    #276 The Importance Of Suffering
    #277 Resilience Fatigue
    #278 Your Well-meaning Intentions May Cause Harm
    #279 Wasted Life
    #27 Helpful Self-Talk
    #280 Word Shaming
    #281 Looking The Wrong Way
    #282 Learning Is A Choice
    #283 Time
    #284 Controlling Your Happiness
    #285 Imagine...
    #286 Intelligence
    #287 What Is Lost
    #288 What It Is
    #289 Life's Hard - And Joyous
    #28 Generous Presumptions
    #290 Ego-based Altruism
    #291 Design Your Day
    #292 Embracing Guilt
    #293 The Magic Shop
    #294 Fast Judgement
    #295 Actions Speak Louder Than Words
    #296 Looking Without Seeing
    #297 A Better Investment
    #298 Options
    #299 Arbitrary Rules
    #29 How Not To Jump To Conclusion
    #300 Success
    #301 Friendship
    #302 Illiteracy
    #303 Running Away From Happpiness
    #304 This Is Not How It's Suppose To Be
    #305 Love
    #306 The Faceless 'Other'
    #307 The Problem With Worries
    #308 Owning Your Pain
    #309 The Downfall Of Control
    #30 History Is The Greatest Teacher - No One Listens To
    #310 Character Choice
    #311 Failure Fallacy
    #312 What You're Measuring Yourself Against
    #31 Our Ancient Brains
    #32 I Did The Best I Could
    #33 Loud Voices
    #34 Your Feelings
    #35 What Would You Dare If...
    #36 The Hook
    #37 Mind Your Words
    #38 Assumptions Are Not Facts
    #39 Is It Really True?
    #40 The Glory Of Mistakes
    #41 That's Not An Interesting Question
    #42 A Better Question
    #43 Flip The Script
    #44 Don't
    #45 The Fear Of Tears
    #46 Time To Think
    #47 Daring To Be Wrong
    #49 F*ck The Joneses
    50-feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway
    50-feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway
    #51 Maybe It's Not About You?
    #52 It's Never Personal
    #53 Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
    #54 You Are Hardwired For Unhappiness
    #56 Uncertainty & Control
    #57 Who's Responsible For The First Step?
    #58 The Power Of Curiosity
    #59 Caution
    #60 Shadow
    #61 From Drama To Winner
    #62 GRRR!
    #63 Treat Others As You'd Like To Be Treated
    #64 Compliments
    #65 The Benefit Of The Doubt
    #66 Listen
    #67 Be Wary Of The Expert
    #69 Indecision
    #70 What's New?
    #71 Grief Bacon
    #72 Labels
    #73 What Are You Willing To Pay?
    #74 Be The Change You Want To See
    #75 The Light Side Of Shame
    #76 Put A Lid On It
    #77 Individualism Vs The Collective
    #77 The Paradox Of Humans
    #78 Unhelpful
    #79 Change Toxicity
    #80 Neither Good Nor Bad
    #81 Who Are You Hurting?
    #82 Celebrating The Ordinary
    #83 The Power Of Thoughts
    #84 No (Wo)Man Is An Island
    #85 Who Wants Change?
    #86 The Quick Solution Isn't Necessarily The Right Or Best One
    #87 Take Responsibility For The Energy You Bring
    #88 Embracing Mistakes
    #89 Living Your Best Life
    #90 What's Your Conclusion?
    #91 Make Your Own Box
    #92 The One Minute Hack
    #93 Whole
    #94 Emotional Labour
    #95 Change
    #96 The Secret To Happiness
    #98 Perfectionism Is Superiority
    #99 Comparison Is The Thief Of... Whatever You Allow It To Steal
    And Yet...
    It's About You
    LOVE!
    Monkey Do
    Monkey Do!
    Persist
    Resourceful And Creative
    #Respect Children
    Your Choice

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