I saw a client the other day. They'd been intensely anxious about a potential punishment. The quick solution would be to seek out the punisher and ask if trouble was on its way or not. But that wasn't the right solution, or the best, for this problem.
Because it wasn't the problem that was the problem - it wasn't whether or not they'd get punished that really mattered. The real problem was the reasons they feared the potential of punishment so much - the problem of being found out; of having been found guilty of making a mistake; of not being good enough; the fear of judgement.
Now, it might seem a logical move to focus on this fear and address whether other people's judgement matter or not. But again, is that really the best or right solution?
Because the problem isn't really other people's judgement, or other people not thinking we're good enough, or that other people know we've guilty of mistakes.
The real problem is our relationship with ourselves - the Top Judge.
After all, if you like yourself enough to accept yourself, flaws and all and if you like yourself enough to think you're good enough as you are, you won't fear other people's judgement the same. You won't fear being 'found out' because you're already living authentically you. You've come out the closet as imperfect and you're not shaming yourself for it.
The problem is seldom the problem and sometimes the solution isn't the real solution either. Dig deeper.
Your life - your choice!
Until next time, stay safe - and sane - and be kind to yourself and others.
After all, you're fucking brilliant!
This is a daily, micro-blog, taking less than 2 minutes to read, offering you insights into how presumptions, beliefs and stories shape our lives and worldview, for better or worse.