I was learning about shadow work (the parts of ourselves that we deny or ignore and but which shows up when angry with or judgemental towards others).
I was angry but I couldn't figure out what my shadow was trying to tell me, so I complained about it to a friend:
"I know a life coach who lies to get clients and it's making me so angry."
"Why does it bother you?" My friend asked.
"It's wrong!" I declared with superiority.
"Why is it wrong?" I was challenged.
"Because it hurts people."
"How does it hurt people?"
"People are spending money and making life decisions based on a lie."
"And why is that a problem?" My friend goaded.
"Because it's unkind!" I said with anger. What was he not getting?!
"And what's your number one value?"
Duh, I felt like adding.
"Do you think this coach thinks they're lying and deceiving people?"
"I'm not sure. They say their number one value is honesty."
"So, do you think, they think, they're being dishonest?"
"I think, they think, they're being honest," I concluded.
"So, is it kind to judge them like you have? Even if they are lying, is it kind to judge them on that?"
"What do you think the shadow is that got triggered by the coach's lies?"
"The trigger was their unkindness and my shadow is a judgemental, superior bitch that I don't like existing within me. Being a judgemental, superior bitch isn't kind."
"What do you think would happen, if you accepted your judgemental, superior bitch as part of you, just like everyone else has their dark sides?"
Often when we judge, it's due to whatever part of ourselves that we're denying, hiding, feeling shamed or embarrassed about, or that we're supressing.
Acknowledging your shadow isn't about becoming a saint who doesn't judge or gets angry. It's about becoming honest of your own dishonesty of your hidden self, and then treat that shadow with acceptance and love.
As my friend said: We're all just flawsome human beings.
Until next time, take care - stay safe - and make kind choices.
This is a daily, micro-blog, taking less than 2 minutes to read, offering you insights into how presumptions, beliefs and stories shape our lives and worldview, for better or worse.