When a relationship breaks down, especially if we weren't the ones to end it, the pain can be overwhelming.
The loss of love itself is hard enough and from a survival instinct perspective it's really important we don't lose our 'tribe' and often, in modern society, we make our romantic partners our tribe - our supporter, our best friend, our life line. It's not healthy.
But more than that, we tend to lose our home, some of our joint friends, our daily routine, our habits (texting someone about non-important things, for example). We lose the knowledge that someone is waiting for us at home.
We may lose financial stability, our our carefully laid plan for the future and if there's a child around we lose the daily support but gain extra stress around splitting time and money.
A study showed that when we go through heartbreak the brain goes through the same process as when we go through drug withdrawel. It craves the other person. It wants more. It will do anything to get another hit. It tells us that 'this time it'll be different'.
We often end up blaming ourselves: If only I had...
It's, quite frankly, torture.
So, it's important to remember that you're still loved. That someone who'd rather walk away than talk and fix things aren't worthy of your love. That there are so many other people in the world you're yet to meet who won't want to break your heart.
Try and focus less on what you've lossed (while being gentle with yourself when you can't) and focus more on what you've gained - what are you free to do now? Who are you free to be now? What kind of life can you create without that person there to consider?
And when that's too hard and you're crying your heart out - know that's normal and OK too. But time will heal this wound - I promise!
Your life, your choice!
This is a daily, micro-blog, taking less than 2 minutes to read, offering you insights into how presumptions, beliefs and stories shape our lives and worldview, for better or worse.